Dads & Partners -
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Dads Point Of View
Questions and answers from MVP member Dane Graham
Name: Dane Graham
Children: 1 Boy (+ another on the way), age 1yrs
Was I ready for parenthood?
No. My challenge to that statement is, are we ever ready?! Answer: Unlikely. That’s defiantly something you’ve probably heard already, but it is true. Books…blogs and group discussions only provide you with some of the insight to how unpredictable things can be. There’s no manual for becoming a parent/Dad in my case. That worried me, being a generally methodical person and by profession I couldn’t get my head around how ill prepared I was for this stage in my life.
What did I try and do to prepare?
I’ll come back to this. But I initially prepared in the usual manner I would for something professionally, I received a couple of books as gifts and researched on the back of some of these books. To my knowledge at that time that’s all that was available.
What was I worried about?
Parenting on my own; not to scare people, but my wife being pregnant worried me. The whole concept shouldn’t be alien, but during the early stages of pregnancy of our boy I was concerned that complications were going to come our way! Call this naivety (anxiety), but I felt I wasn’t very well informed on what to expect, what could be done, how things could be overcome and probability of something happening. “I’d argue the toss” that I would want know the probability, and having that in the back of my mind all the time.
What did I try and do to overcome this anxiety?
Nothing to begin with; besides the minor book reading preparation. However, my wife noticed my concerns and she had her own. So we decided to embark on something I had never heard of and my wife had only touched on via research. This “something” was Hypnobirthing. This route gave us the information and confidence to progress on for a homebirth. The relaxation and natural way of Hypnobirthing allows you to be empowered and in control of your own birth throughout each step. Hypnobirthing also allows for the birth partner to be useful and not feel in the way, this totally appealed to me, and aided in supressing the anxiety I felt. The information we received opened up a whole host of informed choices we were able to make, easing what I felt to be the regimented medical why.
What did I find the hardest? 0-12mth
Crying: The noise is UNBELIVABLE. I’m very confident it’s meant to be like that as it makes you quickly react to it…Food…Change…Comfort.
Lack of sleep: I am not a big sleeper by any means, always been an early riser even from my younger years. But rather than it be the lack of sleep, I think it’s the periodic get-up’s to see to your baby.
What did I find the hardest? 12mth+
Crying: Yep…crying doesn’t change for me, still the hardest thing to deal with. Slightly different crying now though; more crying through frustration rather than basic needs.
Flighty needs between us as parents. Goes to Mammy for comfort and Daddy for tasks or needs…maybe Daddy’s need comfort too!
Do I love parenting?
Most of the time (currently); when it’s good, its good and when it’s bad, it’s bad. I love being a Dad and watching him grow, but it’s at its hard when you can’t help him when he’s poorly or when you don’t know what he wants. He’s still only 1yr old but I love it when you find something that makes both of you laugh or happy.
Darth Vader (…joke)
Why: Unprecedented information.
Why: Gives birth partner a “job” to do.
Why: Helps your partner to relax and relieve tension from the pregnancy and labour.
Why: Empowers you to have more confidence.
Why: Helps you relax through the pregnancy and labour.